Stranger Thins - The 2022 Snack Tie-In We Missed
Or maybe not, I never watched the show.
Think of someone, anyone, in your life, and chances are you’ve just thought of someone who loves Wheat Thins. The salty snack goes well with cheese, with dip, with tuna; it even works all on its own. Unlike its husky cousin Triscuit, Wheat Thin is light and airy, always ready for beach season. No pretense, just snack.
Unlike Wheat Thin, Netflix’ hits are rarer and rarer, and in spite of the critics Stranger Things was without a doubt 2022’s biggest streaming sensation. Kate Bush came roaring back up the Billboard charts after Running Up That Hill was featured in one of its final acts, but the real Deal with God would have been a tie in with America’s favorite crisp. Whoever dropped the ball, whichever agency couldn’t connect the dots deserves to get canned. We all could see Stranger Thins from a mile away.
Think of the ads. The weird little kids running around with boxes of Wheat Thins. Feeding the monster. Russian style Wheat Thins. I don’t know, I haven’t watched the show. But it wouldn’t have been hard to make it work. The big cop could have kept a box in his car. Winona Ryder would climb in the passenger side and almost sit on them and say like, “Oh Wheat Thins? I would have never expected something so light and airy for a big cop like you.” And then he’d respond, grabbing a handful and saying something like, “I really need to get in shape if I’m gonna be chasing these kids/Russians/aliens around summer.” (I watched part of one episode at my friend’s apartment). The Russian guy they kidnap or whatever goes into the gas station and marvels at all the treats he can’t get in the Soviet Union, and of course the camera pans across all the other bullshit to hold on a perfectly lit box of Stranger Thins. His eyes light up as he sprints to the cash register and throws a $100 bill on the counter, thinking that they’re so good they must cost a ton of money.
This stuff writes itself.